I Am Left Speechless

Report by SS-Sturmbannfuhrer Wippern, Concerning Value of Money, Precious Metals, Other Valuables, and Textiles of Jews

Quantity	Item	Collective Value (RM)
17	Gold Fountain Pens	1,900
4	Platinum Watches	1,200
2,894	Gold Gentlemen’s Pocket Watches	1,427,000
7,313	Ladies’ Gold Wristwatches	1,828,250
6,245	Gentlemen’s Wristwatches	62,450
13,455	Gentlemen’s Pocket Watches	269,100
51,370	Watches to be Repaired	258,850
22,324	Spectacles	66,972
11,675	Gold Rings with Diamonds	11,675,000
1,399	Pairs Gold Earrings w/ Brilliants	349,750
7,000	Fountain Pens	70,000
1,000	Automatic Pencils	3,000
350	Razors	875
3,240	Pocket Books	4860
1,500	Scissors	750
2,544	Alarm Clocks to be Repaired	7662
160	Alarm Clocks, Working	960
477	Sunglasses	268
41	Silver Cigarette Cases	1,230
230	Thermometers	690
462	Boxcars of Rags	323,400
253	Boxcars of Feathers for Bedding	2,510,000
317	Boxcars of Clothes and Linens	10,461,000

I think most of you can tell that this is related to the Holocaust, because of the title. This chart was in my second independent reading book, which is called Not Me, by Michael Lavigne. This book is about a man named Michael, who is left a series of journals by his father (Heshel) who is suffering from Alzheimer's. Ever since Michael was little, he has heard about his father's tragic stories of the Holocaust and his traumatic experiences at concentration camps. It is not until Michael begins reading his father's journals that he realizes his father may not actually be a victim, but rather a Nazi/Gestapo officer who stole a Jew's identity in order to escape prosecution. However, Michael cannot be sure that the entries refer to Heshel because they are written from the third-person point of view, as if it's a novel.

I haven't finished this book yet, but this chart is recorded in one of Heshel's journal entries.  Believe it or not, this chart represents items taken from Jews over the span of merely 3 months. I don't know how much of this is true, but I have to believe that the author didn't make all of these numbers up. Also, the numbers in the third column are monetary values measured in reichsmarks. One US dollar is said to be equivalent to 4.2 RM. Even so, this amounts to a lot.

Anyway, I was reading and this chart really astounded me. I'll admit, when I come across a chart or picture in a novel, I tend to skip over because I lack the patience to read it. But this chart really made me stop and think. Therefore, I thought it was worthy of blogging. Yes, I understand that we've been learning about the Holocaust since before any of us could remember, but this chart left me speechless. So don't skim over it like I (and I'm sure plenty of others) do. Mull over it, and think about what it really means.

Guilt is a Silent Killer

It's true. Guilt can kill you silently. I read the article called "Guilt Trip" from Mr. Mullins' suggestions for last week's blog.  And I definitely agree with the article.  Although it isn't exactly on the "A-List" of emotions, guilt can be very overpowering at times.

Let me give you an example.  My grandparents (my dad's parents) live with us right now, and I'm well aware of the fact that they are talkers. They sure do enjoy a good conversation.  But I am a senior in high school and I have so much work to do (never mind the fact that I do everything in my power to avoid my work...).  When they try to strike up a conversation with me I stealthily look down like I'm doing something important while smiling and giving them one word answers.  I know deep down, way way deep down, that it's wrong. And when they walk away with that sad look on their faces I wish that I had just taken ten minutes and let them have my attention. This is what guilt can do. I feel so guilty that apparently I feel the need to blog about it!

Anyway, that's what guilt can do, to me anyway. But what does guilt have to do with English? Believe it or not, I think guilt may play a minute role in Beloved.  Beloved (as in the ghost/character) spends time with Sethe and Denver.  Specifically at the beginning of the novel, Denver and Sethe command different parts of Beloved's attention, because Sethe sees her as a someone she can vent to while Denver sees her as a companion/sister whether she knows that it's her sister.  Although we are never really told how Beloved actually feels about all of this, I can imagine that she would feel guilty about it.

Not to make a joke out of something serious, but remember how I said that guilt is a silent killer? Well if my theory is correct, and Beloved really did feel guilty, she's dead now, so....that's up to your imagination. 

By the way, the whole grandparent thing was a complete joke. I'm not that kind of granddaughter or person. Should I feel guilty that I lied to you?

I Do Not Love Beloved

The title pretty much says it all: I do not love Beloved.  If we're going to get really technical about it, I don't love Beloved or Beloved.  I actually don't love Beloved more than I don't love Beloved, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, most people in class right now (at least B3) tend to either absolutely love the book or absolutely hate it.  But when someone asked me whether I like it the other day, my reaction was "Eh, it's okay." I'm not exactly sure why because I was told by many that it was a terrible read and would put me to sleep.  Another English teacher even shuddered when I told them that I was going read this novel in my English class (not mentioning any names, I might get in trouble).

There are moments when I like this book and moments where I hate it.  I think that Toni Morrison does a phenomenal job of using flashback and imagery to display the struggles that slavery and its traumas can bring on such as loneliness, isolation, self-loathing, etc.  For example, take the following passage:

"The last of her children, whom she barely glanced at when he was born because it wasn’t worth the trouble to try to learn features you would never see change into adulthood anyway.  Seven times she had done that: held a little foot; examined the fat fingertips with her own – fingers she never saw become the male or female hands a mother would recognize anywhere.  She didn’t know to this day what their permanent teeth looked like; or how they held their heads when they walked.  Did Patty lose her lisp?  What color did Famous’ skin finally take?  Was that a cleft in Johnny’s chin or just a dimple that would disappear soon’s his jawbone changed?  Four girls, and the last time she saw them there was no hair under their arms.  Does Ardelia still love the burned bottom of bread?  All seven were gone or dead.  What would be the point of looking too hard at that youngest one?  But for some reason they let her keep him.  He was with her – everywhere."  (163-164)


I used this passage for my reading journal, and it really spoke to me because I realized how much we take for granted.  I think we can all agree that no matter how much we love or hate the novel, this passage really has a profound effect on its reader.

There are other moments when I either zone out or want to throw something. (Not at Toni Morrison, just throw something). I just can't wrap my head around some of the concepts of this book.  Sometimes I feel like everything would be easier if Beloved were either just a ghost or just a human being, but the I guess we wouldn't really have a book the, would we?

So if someone were to ask me if I like the book, my response would still be "Eh, it's okay." I might grow to love or hate the book, but seeing as we're at the halfway point, I don't really think that's going to change.  Those are just a few of my thoughts on Beloved and Beloved. 

Beloved

Okay, so I don't really know what to think of Beloved at this point. The part that I've read so far has not pleased me at all. That being said, I don't absolutely hate the book either. If someone were to ask me what I think about it, I would probably say, "Ehh... it's all right." 

The representation of the ghost is weird in my opinion. I don't really get why Morrison chooses to express it as she does. For example, when Paul D. walks into Sethe's house for the first time, he feels a rush of grief and sadness overcome him. To me, that is just an emotion that he feels out of sympathy for Sethe, not the ghost's presence. I think that if he really saw a ghost, he would've felt more than just an emotion. Perhaps as I read more into the book, I will understand.

I was confused when Morrison narrated Sethe's time at Sweet Home. She describes Paul D., Halle, and the other men "waiting" for Sethe to decide who she would have as a man. Previously, I had only heard of masters (white males) abusing their slaves, but I never really thought about men in slavery abusing other women slaves as well. 

Lastly, Morrison's use of irony is blatantly obvious. She chose to label Sethe's slave home in Kentucky as "Sweet Home."  This is especially ironic because the word "sweet" implies a pleasant, humbling experience, when in fact Sethe experienced the complete opposite. She felt so tortured that she escaped what is called a Sweet Home. I'm not sure how this contributes to the story yet, but again, I haven't really finished reading what was assigned yet (oops!) so maybe that will become clearer as I read.